A Keepsake for Heaven

Minutes after I pulled back the covers and took my contacts out all ready to crawl into bed, I was inspired to write. But as I sit here my thoughts creep back into the comfy bed I once inhabited. What provoked me to write you ask? I'm not sure I could even answer that question at the moment. You could say that my thoughts have taken a sabbatical and not sure when they will return. I think I would call what I'm feeling numb for the time being, walking around in a constant cloud or blur not knowing whether one moment you are going to laugh or cry.

It's hard to say when this feeling or lack there of started but it grew increasingly worse when I received a phone call on Sunday that would change me for quite some time. A very close friend's younger sibling had passed away unexpectedly and it has broken my heart. I have seen loss throughout my life, the loss of two grandfathers, a friend's younger brother, to numerous family friends, all taken too soon. What is it about loss that makes people actually feel lost? Of course, the person is no longer with us and you cannot physically know their whereabouts, but they are still there spiritually or whatever your religion chooses you to believe. I feel that when we lose someone close to us or even a person we had the pleasure to just know, they take something with them of ours. We walk around trying to remember every last memory, scent, smile of a person but what will the deceased have to remember us, a keepsake for them to take to Heaven with them, which is where the feeling of loss comes from. This is not some philosophical idea that will change the way people grieve and mourn the loss of loved ones but it at least one person can put an explanation on the way they choose to mourn it helps to lessen the blow.

I think I just solved my own problem and that I need to accept what those who have gone before me have taken and think of it as a gift to those in Heaven, tiny keepsakes of a life they have left but not forgotten.

I hope to have shed some light on my feelings and helped to at least calm and soothe the souls who are suffering, with not just my words but support and love.

Rest in Peace Marena. A young girl taken too soon. We will miss you.

Singing Loud for All to Hear

I cannot believe it is already November 5th, where has the time gone. Clearly it's been passing me as I haven't posted nearly as much as I've wanted to but that is so typical of me as soon as the fall/winter season comes around. I'm too focused on holiday planning, Christmas shopping, decorating and whatever else can find it's way to occupy my time. But this season I want to slow down and for once just enjoy it rather than rushing through it.

I have told myself that I am going to shop slow so that it doesn't become such a burden last minute, rushing through stores with the last minute crowd, leaving with items that I didn't want or need. And I will be damned if holiday shopping puts me in a bad mood like it does everyone else. You know those people who don't hold doors because they are rushing and won't smile as you pass them in the mall even though you are all going through it together. Well you will find me smiling proud and holding doors like it's my job this year!

I even want to decorate earlier than last year so I can enjoy my decorations and not just have them up to have them. Mind you my holiday collection of decorations keeps growing but this year the apartment is a tad bigger and can't wait to decorate it and more importantly spend the holidays in this apartment.

You can blame my holiday rant on the Christmas music I listened to this morning. Yes, I know it's too early but between the cold weather and Christmas radio commercials I was compelled.

You know when All I Want for Christmas is You comes on it makes for a pretty good start to the day!

Buddy the Elf said it best, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear." If you need me I will be belting out Mariah's Christmas album for the rest of the day.

Until next time,