A Keepsake for Heaven

Minutes after I pulled back the covers and took my contacts out all ready to crawl into bed, I was inspired to write. But as I sit here my thoughts creep back into the comfy bed I once inhabited. What provoked me to write you ask? I'm not sure I could even answer that question at the moment. You could say that my thoughts have taken a sabbatical and not sure when they will return. I think I would call what I'm feeling numb for the time being, walking around in a constant cloud or blur not knowing whether one moment you are going to laugh or cry.

It's hard to say when this feeling or lack there of started but it grew increasingly worse when I received a phone call on Sunday that would change me for quite some time. A very close friend's younger sibling had passed away unexpectedly and it has broken my heart. I have seen loss throughout my life, the loss of two grandfathers, a friend's younger brother, to numerous family friends, all taken too soon. What is it about loss that makes people actually feel lost? Of course, the person is no longer with us and you cannot physically know their whereabouts, but they are still there spiritually or whatever your religion chooses you to believe. I feel that when we lose someone close to us or even a person we had the pleasure to just know, they take something with them of ours. We walk around trying to remember every last memory, scent, smile of a person but what will the deceased have to remember us, a keepsake for them to take to Heaven with them, which is where the feeling of loss comes from. This is not some philosophical idea that will change the way people grieve and mourn the loss of loved ones but it at least one person can put an explanation on the way they choose to mourn it helps to lessen the blow.

I think I just solved my own problem and that I need to accept what those who have gone before me have taken and think of it as a gift to those in Heaven, tiny keepsakes of a life they have left but not forgotten.

I hope to have shed some light on my feelings and helped to at least calm and soothe the souls who are suffering, with not just my words but support and love.

Rest in Peace Marena. A young girl taken too soon. We will miss you.

Singing Loud for All to Hear

I cannot believe it is already November 5th, where has the time gone. Clearly it's been passing me as I haven't posted nearly as much as I've wanted to but that is so typical of me as soon as the fall/winter season comes around. I'm too focused on holiday planning, Christmas shopping, decorating and whatever else can find it's way to occupy my time. But this season I want to slow down and for once just enjoy it rather than rushing through it.

I have told myself that I am going to shop slow so that it doesn't become such a burden last minute, rushing through stores with the last minute crowd, leaving with items that I didn't want or need. And I will be damned if holiday shopping puts me in a bad mood like it does everyone else. You know those people who don't hold doors because they are rushing and won't smile as you pass them in the mall even though you are all going through it together. Well you will find me smiling proud and holding doors like it's my job this year!

I even want to decorate earlier than last year so I can enjoy my decorations and not just have them up to have them. Mind you my holiday collection of decorations keeps growing but this year the apartment is a tad bigger and can't wait to decorate it and more importantly spend the holidays in this apartment.

You can blame my holiday rant on the Christmas music I listened to this morning. Yes, I know it's too early but between the cold weather and Christmas radio commercials I was compelled.

You know when All I Want for Christmas is You comes on it makes for a pretty good start to the day!

Buddy the Elf said it best, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear." If you need me I will be belting out Mariah's Christmas album for the rest of the day.

Until next time,

Thoughts on a Monday

Do you ever just wake up and think what am I doing with my life? Yes, a very broad question for a Monday morning but this morning as I was rummaging through my closet for some business appropriate outfit when all I wanted to do was throw on some leggings and call it a day. I found myself pondering a very unanswerable question.

The things I do know what I'm doing with my life:

I have a great job that pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head

 

I surround myself with great people, an amazing boyfriend, supportive family and friends, hysterical coworkers

 

I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle. I am officially gluten-free for the long haul

 

I consider myself a pretty good person

 

Then there is what can I do more of or be better at?

 

I have been thinking about taking classes, not sure in what but I want to broader my knowledge

 

I could be healthier, dieting is not going to work alone. I need to get my butt to the gym

 

I need to be more open minded, if I spent less time worrying and just went with it I would be a lot better off

 

I'm sure there are other areas for improvement and I will stumble upon them in due time, but for now I will strive to follow the following quote and know there is a reason for everything.

 

 

 

 

Until next time,

 

 

 

He fell through a window and I fell in love

Well I haven't made my presence known in the blog land for a little bit. Just the craziness of coming off a mini vacation and work picking up I had to put the good ol' blog on the back burner for a bit but I'm back!

Hopefully everyone's week is going by as fast as mine is, this weekend I will be traveling up to NH to see my family and I couldn't be happier! I always get homesick when the fall arrives and it lasts up until around after Christmas. Not sure why it happens when it does but it does and I deal with it. Ask my mother, who I've been Face Timing with every night! Along with seeing the fam, me and Ry are going to Pumpkinfest at Keene on Saturday which leads me into my post for the day. Today, three years ago at Pumpkinfest I met Ryan.

Yes, a corny anniversary to celebrate, but without meeting Ryan there would be no us and that is a pretty big deal. October 17, 2010 my friends from college and I took at trip up to Keene to visit one of their boyfriends and enjoy the festivities of Pumpkinfest. I've told this story multiple times, to multiple people and the thing that always sticks out when I tell people how we met is that when I first noticed Ryan he was hanging out of his bedroom window and then seconds later he was gone, he fell through the window. Everyone laughed and Ryan was fine, but I knew then that he was going to be important to me and three years later he still makes me laugh. I could not ask for a better person to call mine and I'm glad that three years ago began such a great bond between two people.

Enjoy the rest of the day lovies!

Until next time,

Fall has Arrived

Fall is officially here! And let me tell you, it came in with a bang! First off, Ryan is home safe and sound from his business trip and I couldn't be happier. I think his business trip made me appreciate him even more and I couldn't agree more on the fact that absence does in fact make the heart grow fonder!

Even more exciting news...my cousin had her baby. Theodore "Theo" Merchant was brought into this world on Friday night weighing 8lbs 4oz and he is gorgeous!

Told you....he's perfect.

After ohhing and ahhing over the baby, Ryan and myself got to enjoy the beautiful weather on Saturday, just by simply enjoying each other's company and Maxie's of course.

 

Last night I made an amazing pork roast and I wish I could have taken a picture of how delicious it was but of course was too hungry to each take such a photo. The ingredients vary on the size of the pork but all you need is:

 

Brown Sugar

Sugar

Garlic Powder

Salt & Pepper

Olive Oil

 

I can't give you exact measurements of the ingredients because there were none. It was a little bit of that and a little bit of this type of recipe. You take your "rub" mixture and rub it into the pork roast, set the over to 350 and cook for 50 minutes. Rule of thumb for pork: cook 25 minutes for each pound. It was the perfect dinner to kick off the fall season.

 

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their Monday, only 4 more days until we are on our mini vacation...more to come on that this week!

 

Until next time,

 



Need....Sleep....

Well folks, I made it through my first night sleeping in the apartment by myself....I didn't say it was successful but I did it. If only you could see me today, bags under my eyes, too tired to do my hair and barely keeping my eyes open, you can tell I did not sleep.

Safe to say I did not get a good night's sleep...not even close.

 

You don't really notice all the noises that occur during the middle of the night until you are in fact up in the middle of the night. My sleep timer could have lasted 6 hours at a time and I still would have been awake to see it go off which is the worst feeling ever. Just as you are getting ready to fall asleep and you are ever so comfortable, light flashing from the television in the background to reassure you that the room is less creepy in the light, then all of a sudden its pitch black. No matter how tired you are, you are now wide awake and some small part of you is mad, like who turned off the television, When in fact you are fully aware that the timer has reached it's time and you have just been too worried about sleeping that you didn't have time to fall asleep before it went off. Your heart starts beating, you begin to sweat, but also realize that you may be fine without turning the television back on. Close your eyes for two seconds and when that floor board creeks, you don't think twice about the television being on and the process begins again. That is what my night looked like last night a constant battle with sleep and therefore I am useless today.

 

But an accomplishment is an accomplishment, 1 night down, 4 more to go! Not much to write about today, seeing my brain and myself need a good nap!

 

Enjoy the rest of what's left of this rainy Monday.