A Keepsake for Heaven

Minutes after I pulled back the covers and took my contacts out all ready to crawl into bed, I was inspired to write. But as I sit here my thoughts creep back into the comfy bed I once inhabited. What provoked me to write you ask? I'm not sure I could even answer that question at the moment. You could say that my thoughts have taken a sabbatical and not sure when they will return. I think I would call what I'm feeling numb for the time being, walking around in a constant cloud or blur not knowing whether one moment you are going to laugh or cry.

It's hard to say when this feeling or lack there of started but it grew increasingly worse when I received a phone call on Sunday that would change me for quite some time. A very close friend's younger sibling had passed away unexpectedly and it has broken my heart. I have seen loss throughout my life, the loss of two grandfathers, a friend's younger brother, to numerous family friends, all taken too soon. What is it about loss that makes people actually feel lost? Of course, the person is no longer with us and you cannot physically know their whereabouts, but they are still there spiritually or whatever your religion chooses you to believe. I feel that when we lose someone close to us or even a person we had the pleasure to just know, they take something with them of ours. We walk around trying to remember every last memory, scent, smile of a person but what will the deceased have to remember us, a keepsake for them to take to Heaven with them, which is where the feeling of loss comes from. This is not some philosophical idea that will change the way people grieve and mourn the loss of loved ones but it at least one person can put an explanation on the way they choose to mourn it helps to lessen the blow.

I think I just solved my own problem and that I need to accept what those who have gone before me have taken and think of it as a gift to those in Heaven, tiny keepsakes of a life they have left but not forgotten.

I hope to have shed some light on my feelings and helped to at least calm and soothe the souls who are suffering, with not just my words but support and love.

Rest in Peace Marena. A young girl taken too soon. We will miss you.

Singing Loud for All to Hear

I cannot believe it is already November 5th, where has the time gone. Clearly it's been passing me as I haven't posted nearly as much as I've wanted to but that is so typical of me as soon as the fall/winter season comes around. I'm too focused on holiday planning, Christmas shopping, decorating and whatever else can find it's way to occupy my time. But this season I want to slow down and for once just enjoy it rather than rushing through it.

I have told myself that I am going to shop slow so that it doesn't become such a burden last minute, rushing through stores with the last minute crowd, leaving with items that I didn't want or need. And I will be damned if holiday shopping puts me in a bad mood like it does everyone else. You know those people who don't hold doors because they are rushing and won't smile as you pass them in the mall even though you are all going through it together. Well you will find me smiling proud and holding doors like it's my job this year!

I even want to decorate earlier than last year so I can enjoy my decorations and not just have them up to have them. Mind you my holiday collection of decorations keeps growing but this year the apartment is a tad bigger and can't wait to decorate it and more importantly spend the holidays in this apartment.

You can blame my holiday rant on the Christmas music I listened to this morning. Yes, I know it's too early but between the cold weather and Christmas radio commercials I was compelled.

You know when All I Want for Christmas is You comes on it makes for a pretty good start to the day!

Buddy the Elf said it best, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear." If you need me I will be belting out Mariah's Christmas album for the rest of the day.

Until next time,

Thoughts on a Monday

Do you ever just wake up and think what am I doing with my life? Yes, a very broad question for a Monday morning but this morning as I was rummaging through my closet for some business appropriate outfit when all I wanted to do was throw on some leggings and call it a day. I found myself pondering a very unanswerable question.

The things I do know what I'm doing with my life:

I have a great job that pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head

 

I surround myself with great people, an amazing boyfriend, supportive family and friends, hysterical coworkers

 

I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle. I am officially gluten-free for the long haul

 

I consider myself a pretty good person

 

Then there is what can I do more of or be better at?

 

I have been thinking about taking classes, not sure in what but I want to broader my knowledge

 

I could be healthier, dieting is not going to work alone. I need to get my butt to the gym

 

I need to be more open minded, if I spent less time worrying and just went with it I would be a lot better off

 

I'm sure there are other areas for improvement and I will stumble upon them in due time, but for now I will strive to follow the following quote and know there is a reason for everything.

 

 

 

 

Until next time,

 

 

 

He fell through a window and I fell in love

Well I haven't made my presence known in the blog land for a little bit. Just the craziness of coming off a mini vacation and work picking up I had to put the good ol' blog on the back burner for a bit but I'm back!

Hopefully everyone's week is going by as fast as mine is, this weekend I will be traveling up to NH to see my family and I couldn't be happier! I always get homesick when the fall arrives and it lasts up until around after Christmas. Not sure why it happens when it does but it does and I deal with it. Ask my mother, who I've been Face Timing with every night! Along with seeing the fam, me and Ry are going to Pumpkinfest at Keene on Saturday which leads me into my post for the day. Today, three years ago at Pumpkinfest I met Ryan.

Yes, a corny anniversary to celebrate, but without meeting Ryan there would be no us and that is a pretty big deal. October 17, 2010 my friends from college and I took at trip up to Keene to visit one of their boyfriends and enjoy the festivities of Pumpkinfest. I've told this story multiple times, to multiple people and the thing that always sticks out when I tell people how we met is that when I first noticed Ryan he was hanging out of his bedroom window and then seconds later he was gone, he fell through the window. Everyone laughed and Ryan was fine, but I knew then that he was going to be important to me and three years later he still makes me laugh. I could not ask for a better person to call mine and I'm glad that three years ago began such a great bond between two people.

Enjoy the rest of the day lovies!

Until next time,

Fall has Arrived

Fall is officially here! And let me tell you, it came in with a bang! First off, Ryan is home safe and sound from his business trip and I couldn't be happier. I think his business trip made me appreciate him even more and I couldn't agree more on the fact that absence does in fact make the heart grow fonder!

Even more exciting news...my cousin had her baby. Theodore "Theo" Merchant was brought into this world on Friday night weighing 8lbs 4oz and he is gorgeous!

Told you....he's perfect.

After ohhing and ahhing over the baby, Ryan and myself got to enjoy the beautiful weather on Saturday, just by simply enjoying each other's company and Maxie's of course.

 

Last night I made an amazing pork roast and I wish I could have taken a picture of how delicious it was but of course was too hungry to each take such a photo. The ingredients vary on the size of the pork but all you need is:

 

Brown Sugar

Sugar

Garlic Powder

Salt & Pepper

Olive Oil

 

I can't give you exact measurements of the ingredients because there were none. It was a little bit of that and a little bit of this type of recipe. You take your "rub" mixture and rub it into the pork roast, set the over to 350 and cook for 50 minutes. Rule of thumb for pork: cook 25 minutes for each pound. It was the perfect dinner to kick off the fall season.

 

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their Monday, only 4 more days until we are on our mini vacation...more to come on that this week!

 

Until next time,

 



Need....Sleep....

Well folks, I made it through my first night sleeping in the apartment by myself....I didn't say it was successful but I did it. If only you could see me today, bags under my eyes, too tired to do my hair and barely keeping my eyes open, you can tell I did not sleep.

Safe to say I did not get a good night's sleep...not even close.

 

You don't really notice all the noises that occur during the middle of the night until you are in fact up in the middle of the night. My sleep timer could have lasted 6 hours at a time and I still would have been awake to see it go off which is the worst feeling ever. Just as you are getting ready to fall asleep and you are ever so comfortable, light flashing from the television in the background to reassure you that the room is less creepy in the light, then all of a sudden its pitch black. No matter how tired you are, you are now wide awake and some small part of you is mad, like who turned off the television, When in fact you are fully aware that the timer has reached it's time and you have just been too worried about sleeping that you didn't have time to fall asleep before it went off. Your heart starts beating, you begin to sweat, but also realize that you may be fine without turning the television back on. Close your eyes for two seconds and when that floor board creeks, you don't think twice about the television being on and the process begins again. That is what my night looked like last night a constant battle with sleep and therefore I am useless today.

 

But an accomplishment is an accomplishment, 1 night down, 4 more to go! Not much to write about today, seeing my brain and myself need a good nap!

 

Enjoy the rest of what's left of this rainy Monday.

 

I'm A Scaredy Cat

Not sure if it's the lack of sleep, my two jobs, my anxiety about Ryan's business trip next week and me being left alone, and being slightly homesick....but something is off. When I say something is off, I mean that I can feel something within myself is not right. Whether it's my mood or what not, but I can sense that I am not myself.

As mentioned there are numerous factors that could make me feel like this.Yes, as much as I complained about the little children that seem to reek havoc on my morning, I just can't get use to them. Also, the whole two jobs is totally ruining my sleeping pattern. I find myself in bed every night at 9, but the struggle to get up at ten of five is still there, maybe I need to give it some more time or not...I need my sleep. I fear my biggest stress is the fact that Ryan is leaving me on Saturday for a business trip for a whole week. My stomach is already in knots as I write this. Queue the "you will be fine's" and the "it's only a week" but this is a big deal. Of course I will miss him, like a lot, but I am petrified of being by myself. Of course, we live in a safe apartment complex but thinking about myself all alone in my big dark apartment is terrifying. Luckily, I am planning on staying at my parents Saturday night, but that still leaves five days of being scared out of my mind and sleeping with the lights and television on. (Ry, I apologize in advance for the price of our electric bill in the time you are gone) But anyway I am ready to put my big girl panties on and get next week over with, until he travels again and we will begin this process all over again!

So if you need me for the next week, I will be hiding under my bed with a flashlight until he comes home!

Clearly this girl did her makeup for her attacker....but you get the gist

 

Anyway, I will be spending the weekend at my parents which will be some good distraction and some much needed quality time with them and I can't wait for it. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their Thursday and just think we are so close to Friday!

 

Until next time,

Blogging...My 3rd Job

Well it's official blogging has been put on the back burner for a bit and it's because of my second job. Before I go off on a tangent about the struggles of a second job, I put this second job on myself. I needed the extra money to help with student loans, car payments, or whatever other adult thing that requires money comes my way, but let me tell you, it is not easy.

I started watching three kids in the morning, giving them breakfast, making sure they are ready for school then dropping them off, sounds easy right? Wrong! Kids are a lot of work and kids are not always going to want to listen to someone who is not their parent and they will try to do whatever they can get away with because I am a new authority figure to them. Anyway, my day begins at 4:30am when I wake up and drag my ass out of bed to get ready for the day, and I literally have to get ready like full hair and makeup and work clothes because I go right from there to my full time job. Granted it's only the second day but I find it draining for two reasons; 1. Kids at my age are a lot of work and that is work that I am not ready to take on. And 2. That when I pull into work at 9am, I feel like I've already done so much work and I still have a full day ahead of me, awful feeling right there.

I am really going to try and stick this one out but who knows how long it will last. I will either run out of patience or coffee or both. On that note, I am going to start my third cup of coffee and try to focus on what's left of my usually long day that started 6 hours ago already.

Have a fabulous Wednesday!

Until next time,

And I Have Nothing

Once again I am staring at a blank screen. I stared at it yesterday for multiple times throughout the day trying to come up with something to write about. I could have wrote about the train wreck that Miley Cyrus was at the VMA's on Sunday but it's been talked about so much I'm tired of hearing about it and I surely don't want to write about it.

#Enough

 

I could have also wrote about the amazing broccoli and cheese stuffed chicken I made on Sunday but a recipe for a Monday just didn't seem too exciting. I will post the recipe soon.

 

 

And here my friends is why the recap comes in handy. On Saturday we spend the day in Maine with my parents, enjoying delicious food and some much needed shopping. Then Sunday was a baby shower for my mum's cousins daughter, it was good to see family we hadn't seen in a while. Recapping the weekend with some lovely photos for you all:

 

My main squeeze

Aren't they the cutest

Love them

 

Until next time,

 

 



Reason to Celebrate

First off, happy Friday everyone! We made it! Now just need to power through a few more hours and the weekend is here! Just a little bit of news today....

 

IT'S MY BLOG'S ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!

(I know, it is not a little bit of news, it's a big bit of news!)

 

As a blogger I've come a long way in a year. Looking back, my writing was all over the place and I had no sense of the direction I wanted this blog to take and to be honest I still don't. But I do know that I enjoy doing this and I am very happy I started this little piece of blog land back on August 23, 2012. Here are a few things I learnt in my short one year life as a blogger:

 

1. Blogging Isn't Easy - Some people assume you just sit down and write about whatever you want, and that is somewhat true. Depending on what type of blogger you are, you usually stick to a topic but most of the blogs I enjoy reading have no specific topic and they just narrate the bloggers life. So there are going to be times when frankly you don't want to write or have nothing to write and that is ok.

 

2. Choose Your Words...Wisely - Well I just learnt this little piece of advice, but people are going to read your blog and you need to realize that you are not the only eyes that will be brace the pages of your blog. Just think before you write.

 

3.People Might Judge You - Admitting that you are a blogger takes some courage. Of course the people I love and trust like Ry, my family and some close friends know that I am a blogger and they read from time to time. But letting other people know can be tough and sometimes the reaction can be mixed. To be honest I've only told a few people and the reactions have been positive. Most of the time people just act surprised like "oh, I had no idea you would blog?" Well I do, read about it! 

 

4. Have Fun - You are not blogging about world peace or how to stop world hunger so there is no pressure. You need to enjoy this and be open minded. If you are constantly worried about putting yourself out there, you will never really be honest about your blogging or yourself.

 

As I blow the imaginary candle out on my imaginary cupcake. I wish myself another successful year of blogging!

 

 

Until next time,

Foot In Mouth

Well it happened, my first blog fail. Well I'm sure there have been a few fails along the way but this one was big enough that my blog post from yesterday has been taken down. If anyone read my post yesterday it was a long one discussing the difference between men and women and the way they romance each other. Some parties were upset with this post and I thought in the interest of not offending anyone else I took the post down.

But as I was thinking more and more about it. This blog is where I write about how I feel and I should not have to censor myself, granted I don't ever want to hurt anyone's feelings or push boundaries. When I sat down to write the post there was never an intention to purposely hurt feelings it was just a slightly comical way for me to express some thoughts. Anyway, post went up, boundaries were pushed, post was taken down. And there you have it. Now I vow to leave those who respect my blog posts but do not want to be included out of my writing but I will not censor it and keep my feelings from it. I started this blog to do just that write about my life, and feelings, and whatever pops up in this head of mine and will keep doing so.

Vent session over.

Until next time,

I Will and I Did

I kept telling myself yesterday that I will get around to blogging...I really will. Then come 9 o'clock last night and there was still no blog post. Well I got around to it today and let me just say that it is not some inspiring words to help those like myself get in shape and it is not some mouth watering recipe but it is a weekend recap with plenty of pictures.

You know as soon as we got to my parents I needed some wine

And time with my Lou girl

Saturday morning we enjoyed a walk and some sun

Louuuuu

 

Delicious Watermelon margarita on our way home

Sunday we hiked Mt. Wachusett

 

Overall it was a pretty laid back weekend and I enjoyed it. Now the next couple of weekends will be pretty busy not to mention Ry's birthday at the end of the month, so stayed tuned for pictures and weekend overloads.

 

Until next time,

Wake up and Smell the Coffee Banana Shake

Good almost afternoon everyone! I am full of energy this morning and I can't help but think it was from an amazing concoction I discovered on Pinterest. I was skeptical at first, the thought of combining coffee and banana was not my idea of delicious. But there were a few places that raved about this morning drink.

 

2 handfuls ice

1 scoop of vanilla or chocolate protein powder

1/2 frozen banana

1 cup brewed coffee

1 cup unsweetened almond milk

 

Place ingredients in blender, pour into your to go cup and enjoy.

I tried this recipe this morning without the protein powder, as I have been a little skeptical of protein powder, but Ry has assured me that if I start drinking I won't get "huge" like I fear, so I will be adding the protein powder tomorrow morning.

Try and let me know how you like it :)

Have a good rest of the day!

Learning Something New About Myself

Well folks I did it. I got up at 5:15 this morning for a workout...Yes I really did!!! And let me tell you I feel great. When my alarm first went off I was all Rachel Berry on audition day. Ready and motivated.

Mind you it was not easy hearing my alarm go off while it was still dark and leaving the comfort of my warm bed and my main squeeze. Trust me, I got up, stood up and looked around then crawled back into bed, but as soon as my head hit the pillow, I felt wrong. I set that alarm for a reason and I was going to go through with it. So up I went, luckily I had put my stuff out the night before or I would have given up trying to search for a sports bra in the dark. Got to the gym and it was dark and quiet so I turned on the news and began my run.

45 minutes later, workout over. I felt great, not to mention my workout was over with for the day! I hope this motivation continues as I need to get in shape. I have gained all my weight back from when I went vegan, I am healthier again now that I have introduced meat and dairy back into my diet but the weight that came with it, well I want that gone!

So I think I learnt something new about myself today, that if I really put my mind to something I am going to achieve it and I think it just took me a little while to find that strength within myself.

 

Have a great day everyone!

An Emotional Wreck

As the afternoon is fastly approaching I find myself not knowing what to write about. That could be because I am an emotional rollercoaster this week, we can blame it on Mother Nature, thank you very much! But this month is more emotional than usual and I am apologizing in advance. One minute I'm as happy as Honey Boo Boo having butter,sketti and ketchup for dinner...

 

Then snap, I'm as crazy as Kim Kardashian when she hears someone talking about her...

It's not like I'm acting like this for no reason. I have been dealing with some stuff lately that has been stressing me out. Just to name a few:

 

1. I miss the heck out of my family

This summer has gone by pretty fast and I haven't been able to do as much as I wanted to with them and it sucks. I hate that they live too far away from me. I hate that I am missing out on things that they are doing. FaceTime is just not cutting it. I also miss my little dogs! Hopefully my weekends will slow down and I will be able to see them more.

 

2. I need a second job...bad!

So I currently work a 9-5 job that I love! But my bills are not going to pay themselves, although that would be pretty awesome. But the bills keep coming and I just need a couple extra hours of work here or there to help me out. I think once I have a little something extra, I will feel more at ease.

 

Those are the two biggest frets I'm dealing with but like everything this shal pass. If anyone needs me I will be in my car, eating chocolate and looking a lot like this for the rest of the week...

 

Until next time!

 

A Monday Recap of a Busy Weekend

Happy Monday everyone! I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend! The weekend was busy, but in a good way! There aren't too many weekends left in the summer, so I'd rather fill them with fun things to do then waste them! But I hate to admit that I did appreciate the chill in the air this morning. That only means my second favorite season is right aroung the corner! Not too much to write today but I will let my pictures do the talking.

 

Friday night we bowled

And I drank bowling alley sangria....questionable

Then Saturday we celebrated this lady's baby shower!

Mimosas for all!

 

And I got to spend the day with my fabulous mumma!

The happy couple with all their presents and their neice and nephew helpers!

 

Yesterday I cooked an amazing Italian mean with sausage and homemade lasagna...

And he loved it!

 

Have a great rest of the day everyone! Also, make sure to watch some Shark Week this week!

It Starts with Coffee Ice Cubes

Hooray for Friday!!! I will start by saying this week was long and slow but the weekend is finally in sight, only a few more hours.

My mornings were forever changed today when I stumbled upon a new coffee shop with a little secret. I am normally not the type to stop for breakfast on my way to work, but this morning I ran out of cereal and needed to quickly grab something on my way. I knew a new bagel shop had opened up near my work and I thought I would give it a try. I walk in, typical little bagel place and I get to the counter and order myself a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and I hesitate on the coffee because like with most things, I am a coffee snob. I like my coffee just right or it's not a good day. Anywho I ask the lady at the register if they do ice coffee and she replies with a smile, "best in town"! I think to myself, best in town, that is a stretch but I give it shot. As she is preparing my coffee she lifts the cup and there it is, lovely, coffee goodness in the shape of ice cubes. As she raises my cup, she nonchalantly says, "we use coffee for our ice cubes." Excuse me?! Coffee ice cubes! There it was, the cure for all the watered down coffee I was used to.

Amazing. Thank you Brooklyn Water Bagels

 

And we wonder why I become a snob for such things, now regular coffee is forever ruined for me. Unless you are putting coffee ice cubes in my cup, don't even bother.

 

I am looking forward to a busy but fun weekend. Tomorrow is my cousin's baby shower, so I will be spending some much needed quality time with the ladies of my family. I will post pictures, because who doesn't love a baby shower! Then Sunday hopefully I will be able to work on getting my tan back, if weather permits. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

A Blister of Proof

Well Happy Wednesday to all. We made it through the first half of the week! Now just need to get through the rest...

Anyways, as I mentioned in Monday's post, I was builidng my relationship with the sport of running. Well I ran 10 minutes straight Monday and 15 minutes straight yesterday. Yes, a round of applause please! This is a big deal for me and I'm happy that I am finally getting into it. But yesterday I recieved some proof for my efforts, a big ole blister on my foot. Don't get me wrong it hurts like a mother trucker, but it's proof of my hard work. Hopefully this running thing lasts, because I am the type who likes to try things for a bit, but when I have my mind set on it, I do it!

Thank you Honey Boo Boo, thank you! She appreciates hard work right there!

Have a fabulous Wednesday everyone!

From Drinking to Running...it's only Monday

Ugh, here I am finally getting to writing a post for Monday. Clearly my day has been busy but not busy enough that it has kept me from Facebooking, Instagramming and other forms of social media distraction, but it has kept me from blogging. Until now.

This Monday was a bit more rough than the others, we had a very eventful weekend which would explain the reason I did not move from my couch yesterday. We spent Saturday day and night in Boston. We went to the OAR concert and then celebrated Ryan's cousins 21st birthday. Let me just say I cannot hang like I use to. The bar we had gone to was small, filled with fresh faced 21 year olds and my drink of choice was either in the form of bottom shelf liquor mixed with some watered down soda served in a clear plastic cup or basic beer in a metal bottle, don't get me wrong I use to love the cheap beer, but since graduation, I've become somewhat of a beer snob. We settled for some Bud Light and made our way to the dance floor. Although it had been awhile since we have ventured out into the bar/club scene, we had a great time. But come Sunday morning, my body hurt and my head ached and I vowed that I could not and would not drink again. Clearly that is a false statement but it made me feel better even for a moment to say it aloud.

This will be me come Friday, when I NEED a drink.

 

 

As the end of the day approaches, my motivation to get to the gym after work lessens. I know, I know I bitch and moan about getting in shape but I just can't find a love for working out and it doesn't help that it's raining now. But I am going to suck it up and get there, this week is supposed to be the start of me learning to run. Yes, you read that correctly I am learning to run. No, I know how to run...like if I need to run away from a ferocious animal I could manage it but running for exercise, well I'm not good. I start out running and two minutes in I'm over it. I'm breathing uncontrollably and my legs hurt. So today I am going to start slow and eventually work my way up until I can call myself a runner. Let's see how well this goes.

 

 

Hannah from Girls doesn't like running either

 

 

Here's to a successful run tonight. Enjoy the rest of this Monday everyone!

 



A Dose of Perspective Never Hurt Anyone

It wasn't until recently that I started thinking about perspective and how to put my life into perspective. I'm going through the typical woes of life, I have too many bills but don't make enough money...I need to get in shape but have no motivation to go to the gym...blah blah blah I could go on and on and complain about aspects of my life I need to change but I don't want to whine and seem like the girl who makes you feel bad for her because that's not who I am. I am very lucky to be where I am today and although it doesn't look too amazing now, I am in a good place. I am blessed with good health, a job that pays the bills (barely, but still), a supportive family, my wonderful boyfriend, good friends, a roof over my head, and a good sense of humor (able to laugh at myself when all the said woes of my life happen). But I realize now that I am too young to worry about little things in my life, like is a $35 dollar overdraft fee going to kill me? No, of course it sucks when it happens but there are far more things that could happen that would be worse. I think it took some serious thinking, some money mistakes and advice from smart people to help me realize that I am not going to fail because of this, I just need to stand up and change some things that will help me in the future.

And I will leave you with some perspective from Hannah from my latest obession on HBO - Girls!

Hannah puts things in perspective

 

 

Have a great Thursday ya'll!

A Little Vacation Recap

I've been MIA for a bit due to my lovely vacation! I cannot believe it's already Wednesday, where has the week gone. I figured after a week away, the time would drag but it's not which is nice. I probably just jnxed it. Anyways, the Cape was amazing, we had perfect weather, thankfully I came back with a great tan! I finally got to expeirence a trip to the Vineyard. Martha's Vineyard was beautiful and I'm glad I got to finally visit. Help yourself to some vacation picture overload.

Beautiful beach

 

Ferry Ride with Ry

 

Cape Cod

 

A little romper action

 

En route to the Cape

 

Date night - he's so handsome

 

Enjoy the rest of your fabulous Wednesday!